Today is the start of a new journey.
It’s been eight days since Margo was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma and I’m finally not crying every time I think about it. But I am tearing up today. It’s amputation day. I’m tearing not because she’s losing her leg but because it is the beginning of a new reality. The leg had been nonfunctional for three weeks now and she and I will both be glad once it’s no longer in her way. But today is the day it has become real. My dog has cancer and not just any cancer but a very aggressive one. I suppose you can say she’s lucky. There’s no visible metastasis in her lungs yet. Yet. It’s a good sign but it is inevitable.
When I was told the news, first you think of the options. Being a devout Catholic, I believe all living creatures have a natural end and it killed me to think that I may have to cut it short. So, for me, quality of life was the single most important consideration. As a scientist, I take a lot of stock in statistics and they aren’t the best. I could either go straight into palliative care and spend time with her for maybe two more months while drugging her to not feel the pain. (She was far too happy and energetic to go that route.) Second option was to amputate her leg and then enter palliative care. It would relieve the pain and allow nature to take its course while being monitored. Third option was to amputate and start chemo. While this could give me up to a year or slightly more with her, it would involve 4-6 hr drives to see an oncologist for chemotherapy. It was the hardest decision I’ve made so far in my life, but I decided on amputation with palliative care.
It’s difficult to know every time you look at your dog that she will die sometime soon. But I can’t take the cancer away and have had to accept it. So in her best interest, amputation will take the severe pain away and allow her to get back to normal life for as long as possible. Of course we’re not giving up. She’s starting a holistic diet that has anti-cancer properties and a regimen of supplements for the same purpose. She will take as many trips as possible to visit the pet store (her favorite store), the dog park, and hopefully the beach.
I don’t know if anyone can ever be ready to see their dog leave them with four legs and come back with only three. Not because she has one less leg but for what it means.